20150909 (apprehension)

Three days of heat nothing done

If this is Southern Living I’ll

Never cross the Mason-Dixon line again

Too hot to think of anything but

Cool breezes blowing in from the 

Lake too hot to read the only people

At the park drank their beers 

While they were cold now too relaxed to move

Every house with air-conditioning

Had it humming nobody on the porch

All inside if just to get in the shade or hang in

A damp cool basement putting as little

Effort into breathing as they could

I don’t want to talk it hurts my tongue

To smack it up against hot teeth

Something’s happened to my body

I used to be able to handle ninety degrees and more

Eighty-five even eighty lays me low now

Go ahead smirk about all the insulation

I’ve added since my days 

As a slim golden god at the pool 

In the summer of sixty-six

When I tried to drown my conscience

Of failing grades crumbling personality

In the cool blue water of an unimpeded lane

The distance I could not swim without

My lungs bursting for air not even 

Halfway across my feet striking 

The bottom for support assurance the

Unfathomable deep would not swallow

Me whole I tried to disperse the memory

Of my mother’s many fearful warnings 

About water from perhaps having once

Been thrown in carelessly bumped by a rowdy

Or by a friend who misread her terror

Pushed her over thinking she’ll

Discover how much fun it could be

I saw bubbles rising from my mouth

As I sank nothing I could do brought

Me up I knew I was going to drown

As kids we loved to go swimming

My mom almost always said no when

We went there was always that rigid

Hour of waiting after we ate so often

We left before the hour was up had to

Get home for some reason why did we 

Put on bathing suits if we weren’t going

To swim when mom nixed the outing

My father left to play golf relieved

Not to hear pleading about it being

Too hot just right for the water which

Was always too far to go or you couldn’t

Go with the neighbor family even 

When their mom came over to ask 

What kept me from finishing one lousy lap 

From alternating my breathing

Like I couldn’t walk and chew gum

I breathed in gobs of water at just the 

Wrong time had to stand up recover

Cough up the slosh clambered out

My nose dripping back to my towel

My face flushed red I hoped people

Thought it was due to bad timing

Instead of some monstrous fear 

Eating my insides then 

And now

c. J.S.Manista, 2015