Adoption: Highway vs. Child (ca. 2002)

Thousands of children in towns across America need loving, permanent families. I just finished a trip to visit my scattered progeny in Maryland, New York, Rhode Island, and New Hampshire and encountered hundreds of road signs urging me to adopt--what, a child? No, a highway.  

As an adoptive parent I can tell you there are distinct advantages to adopting a highway rather than a child and distinct disadvantages.

Advantages:

The highway will never ask you, "Am I adopted?"

You'll never have to explain where highways come from. 

You'll never have to change a diaper on a highway. 

Your highway will never ask for an allowance or the car.

When you want to take your wife out for a nice meal and a movie, you don't have to find someone to sit your highway.

Your highway will not whine, "271 already has curves; I barely have shoulders. Why couldn't I be four lanes?

Your highway won't worry why it doesn't look like you.

Your highway will never bring home a back road. And your wife won't cry in bed, "Honey, he isn't even paved!"

It's far easier to clean up five miles of a highway than to get a child to clean up their room. 

Disadvantages:

Your highway will never give you grandhighways. 

You'll never get to kiss a highway's boo-boos.

Your highway will never make Eagle Scout or apply to med school. 

You'll never get to hang something on your fridge that your highway made in class.

Your highway will never say, "Thanks, Pop."