Whom did I love when my love
Went awry? Was it forever lost
Like a flashlight’s beam errantly
Pointed heavenward as I ambled
On a lonely beach in the dark? What
Of all the kindnesses I thought
I was extending? Did they, like
Misaddressed gifts, end up in
Anyone’s hands? I didn’t get
Them back. The flush of romance,
The waves of infatuation swelled
So reliably, who could see clearly
In those eager days? What slip of
Manner, misremark was not then
Quickly forgiven, if not forgotten,
Lest the glittering chrystal shell
About us burst, glassy shards
Bury themselves like shrapnel
In our faces, hands. We can
Neither scream nor move.
Embracing too painful to imagine,
Disfiguring even more if not fatal.
Yet that day arrives. There are
No touches to be suspected cold.
There are no touches. There are no
Greetings mumbled grudgingly.
There are no greetings. Shunning
Would be warmer than this. In
Shunning the other avoids eyes
As if to acknowledge silently
I am still here—as if looking
At me might affect her heart. No,
In this your eyes see beyond me.
I am no longer a physical
Presence to be avoided like a car
In the oncoming lane, or a bear
About to leap. Now it’s only
Business: court dates, summaries
Of goods to be divided. There
Will be no talk of misspent devotion
Or of how things got off track. No,
That would be a sign at least
One of us cared. Now
Though we can have coffee
While waiting for the magistrate
Or our lawyers to arrive, we
Chat of friends, politics, even
The weather, but I not dare
Ask you, while waiting in
Civil demeanor, to extract a shard
Not quite skinned over from my
Cheek. No, the body lay between
Us not breathing, cold to the
Touch if either dare touch it.
We are certain it’s dead. We’re
About to sign its certificate.
Who should recognize ghostly
Pallor if not we who knew it well?
So with thirteen pages and
Solemnly swearing the truth
Of this death, that perhaps had
Never lived, we embrace in
A clumsy ritual “divorce hug,”
Wish each other well (we think for
The last time) and let them turn
The stage lights dark on this
Once affecting but now
Unfathomable drama.
c. J.S.Manista, 2016
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