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| A face only a pincushion could love . . . am I too harsh? This is a child of God like me. |
Anyone who really knows me
Knows I am not a paragon of
Tolerance. For all the far-out
Concepts in which I dabble
From politics to religion (the
Verboten topics) to weird
Science and basic math (which
I have yet fully to grasp) when
It comes to personal decor
I’m right in there with the
Snobbiest of Republicans
Insisting on khaki Dockers,
Pinstripe shirts with old
School ties, and navy blue
Blazers for men, and thin
Wisps of nothing much for
Women (actually creamy
Linen summer dresses cut
Above the knee and a colorful
Silk scarf pulled through
Epaulets (?), blond tresses
And blue eyes). On an
Adventurous day, green eyes,
Red hair, with a bit of a
Brogue brings out the lap
Dog in me. But regrettably
There are new fashions about
Putting a heinous dent in
What passes for beauty
Nowadays. I have already
Addressed one issue: any,
Positively any, tattooing,
For either women or men
Though I must confess,
Since I spend the far greater
Part of my visual life scanning
Women’s flesh (I can’t help it
I was born that way), I once
Wrote, “Ladies, please don’t
Get tattooses. You know they
Only look like bruises.” In the
Spirit of non-discrimination,
I’ll let you retell that as, “People,
Please . . . .” The other egregious
Practice is facial jewelry in which
I include scarifications, artificial
Aperture stretchings, and the whole
Vile rest, which I categorize as
Defacings of the Image of God
Which can only reduce, not enhance,
Human beauty. (See my What a
Bargain from Bijan's* for an
Bargain from Bijan's* for an
Extended treatise on the nature of
Human beauty.) When I see one of
These unfortunates I am moved to
Tell them, “My son is a surgeon.
He could remove those in ten
Minutes without Novocaine
Or cutting you in any way.” If
I’m feeling a little jocular, I’ll
Ask, “Are you the one who stood
Too close to the jewelry shop when
It exploded?” The afflicted rarely
See either comment as helpful or
Even positive. Maybe it's because
I was born that way—without a ring,
Or watch, or stud.
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