20160515 (silence)

An 800 lb. gorilla attended mass and the funeral reception

Tom was a genial young man

Who, that summer, was tending

His father’s company trailer in 

The Flats, where occasionally

I visited after delivering mail

To the area nearby. We grew 

Close in those conversations

At the trailer and he invited

Jean and me to visit him at

His parents house. There was

Something so refreshingly 

Innocent about him but we

Couldn’t quite put our finger

On it. Mind you these were

The late ‘60s when the term

Gaydar had not filtered down

To us midwestern cultural

Infants. Once when discussing

His general manner Jean and

I privately thought we would

Be more comfortable with 

Him if he would once and a

While voice some lust for a 

Woman. That I am describing

These events today indicates

How effectively society had

Suppressed any open recognition

Of sexual preference. As far as

We knew at the time there

Were precious few words to

Deal with the subject and they

Were all offensive. Our ignorance

Created an unmanageable

Barrier to understanding the

Strange limits his parents

Placed on him. We once were

Witnesses to a dispute between

Him and his mom and dad

About a friend from college

"Visiting too often" and that Tom

Could no longer have him in

His bedroom with the door

Closed. How they had this 

Talk with Jean and me sitting

On their couch free to hear 

Every word was unnerving

To say the least. Had our

Familiarity let us blend into

The background as if we

Weren’t there? These were

The years when the DSM 

Listing homosexuality as a 

Mental illness was under

Serious challenge but we 

Were still in the dark. Tom 

Eventually went into therapy

After doctors failed to find

The cause of his repeated

Outbreaks in skin rashes

All over his body. Graduating

From college he became a

Novitiate with the Jesuits.

After a couple of years he left

The order, came out, and moved

To San Francisco, contracted

AIDS, and came back to his

Parents’ house to die in the 

Attic bedroom. Despite his

Openness in that final year

There still was no discussion

About his condition, its origin.

At his funeral mass and the 

Reception following again

No mention of how he died,

As if the topic would be 

Buried forever with what 

Remained of his ravaged body.

c. J.S.Manista, 2016