Between the mudders and the fodders*

Between the mudders and the fodders

The mudders got it all hands down

I don't mind they get a free meal 

And no work for a whole day and I

Get a lousy necktie

I don't remember doing any work at all

In fact I found it quite enjoyable

Something I'd like to do again and again

I don't remember any pain, no wait

I hit my head on the intravenous bottle

That hurt but I didn't have to do any 

Measured breathing to get by

Worst was when I almost fainted 

But my wife said You better not miss this

And I recovered. It's not like I got scars 

Across my body just a little bruise 

Gone in a couple days

Now the mudders have to give up booze 

And smoking so to make it easier for her

I drank and smoked outside for a few months

We drove to work together a while

I didn't complain when she'd heave

Over the vinyl seats to spare her clothes

Like a good dude I cleaned it up

Though it made me a little nauseous

And late. And later when she had

To use the bathroom every five minutes

Did I yell Use the can upstairs No

I got up and gave her the throne

So when in the middle of the night

She said she broke some water pitcher

And we had to get to the hospital

I didn't ask if this could wait for morning

No I pitched right in and held lit matches

On my keys until I got the locks

Unfrozen. Ever try to do that when somebody's

Whimpering every minute. As for the work

OK labor you won't find me 

Volunteering for that any time soon

Yeah really they deserve a whole day

Maybe a week even but don't tell anybody

You heard me say it


*from an Abbott and Costello comedy routine about race horses


c. J.S. Manista, 2015